Worth Living ~ Worth Dying

If something is worth preserving, it's also worth dying for. Such is true of our country. Some attack our freedom. How can men of power crush what shed blood preserved, cheapening the mission of those who've fought, been wounded, and given the ultimate sacrifice? I cannot comprehend this.

America: 236 years young. It's lived a good life, suffered periods of harm, and sickened by means of immoral, godless beings who say, "Let her die. She's had a good life. She's old and not worth much. What need have we of her?"

No! I, for one, am not willing to think our fathers, sons and countless other troops fought in vain for liberty. There's another element to this fight to keep our United States alive and well. This lies in the hands of the believers. A nation is only as strong as its faith, destined to fail without God. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I promise to pray for my country and to implore God to have mercy on us when our leaders fail to seek true Wisdom.

Those who love our God, cry out to Him in this seemingly hopeless time. He has promised "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

We're wounded but not dead, and we're worth the living. God shed His grace on us. May God again have reason to bless America!

"The Weaver"

So much of this week's news devastates. In times like these it's easy to become overwhelmed by nature's havoc and man's blunders. Yet God is in control. I know this because I know Him. Still, looking about me I can easily forget He has a plan. After all, one of our sons and his wife live in Colorado Springs. My mind and heart ache for them and all who wait for that disaster to end.

No, I do not attribute raging wildfires and flooding halfway around the world to God. Nor do I think the mind of man always seeks His wisdom before making decisions that affect us all. The prince of the power of the air ~ the devil ~ destroys and has his way. Yet God allows. Why? I don't know. I only know God is God, and He has a plan. He can make beauty out of ashes ~ even in the lives of us all.

The Weaver

By Grant Colfax Tullar

My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me.

I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.

Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper and I, the underside.

Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly

Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful Hand

As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

All of us go through good, joyful times as well as the much harder ones. Until we reach Heaven, we cannot see "the completed tapestry." So for today, trust the Weaver. Even when the enemy tries to devastate, God is sovereign ... and one day, believer, we will understand it all.

God ~ My Under-Rower

The lady pictured is Murlene. She held a national record ~ the longest living Canadian with cancer. What a record. This dear servant of the Most High God struggled several decades with the dreaded disease and did so with grace and joy. Did she tire along the way? To be sure. Yet look at her smile. This was the Murlene we knew and loved. This month she went to Heaven.

I attended a mission-sponsored learning-styles seminar back in the mid-1990s, and Murlene was there. When the instructor asked us to complete the sentence "God is my...", many of the missionaries volunteered answers like Refuge, Strong Tower, Help, Best Friend, Savior, and more. But we were all taken aback when Murlene spoke with confidence, "God is my Under-Rower."

This dear lady explained that in biblical times slaves were chained in the belly of the ship's bottom-most tier and rowed to the beat of a drum. These men had the most difficult task of plowing oars through the water's depths "three-stories" under. Although they received no recognition and knew they could well die at their posts, these men were essential.

Those of us who knew all Murlene endured understood the depth of that statement. And her Under-Rower carried her through another decade plus of cancer until He carried her Home. But there's more I'd like you to know about this precious sister in Christ. She became our under-rower.

Three months after that learning styles seminar began the toughest period in our lives. Our 16-year-old daughter ran away from home, she accused us of child abuse, department of social services tried to take all our children away, our to-be-adopted special-needs son nearly faced deportment, and much of our church leadership (and ones we thought were friends) turned their backs on us. To this day I cannot fully express in words the horror of those nightmare years.

We shared this pain with our mission board, and they put us on the prayer chain. Several wrote to us, but the most poignant letters we received were from Murlene who expressed her deep sorrow at all the pain we were going through and said she wished she could take that pain and carry it for us.


Wow. When my husband and I read this, we wept. What kind of servant ~ one who suffers every minute she breathes ~ says she'd do this for us if she could? An under-rower ~ one who knows the importance of having someone in your life who will carry you across the rough sea when you cannot travel it yourself. Murlene would bless us with several more letters over those turbulent years.


Thank You, God, for being Murlene's Under-Rower and, in turn, her being that to us. Lord and Savior, thank You for taking on the form of a servant and coming to this earth to die for our sins so that we could be adopted into Your family. And thank you for going through the rough waters with us and rowing when we have no strength to do so. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Our A-Typical God

Last month doctors discovered our son had a grapefruit-sized tumor under his kidney. Tests before surgery didn't alleviate our fears. The PET scan showed an active tumor, most often associated with cancer. Our son has neurofibromatosis type 1 (NF1), a genetic tumor-growing disease, and this mass was a result of that. These particular tumors are transformers and often become cancerous.

We waited three hours before our son's surgeon approached us in the waiting area. There he told us our son's mass was an a-typical NF1 tumor ~ that most of these tend to spread tentacles into other areas, making them much harder to remove. Our son's had not done this. "It was as if it were all patted into a neat ball-like object," the surgeon shared. As he demonstrated with his hands, one question came to mind.

Had God cupped Min's tumor in His Hands and commanded, "you aren't going anywhere"? This is what this "nicely" formed, a-typical growth meant to me. I believe God chose to do that. Not only did He command that mass to stay put, but He also surprised us with the amazing news that the tumor, although precancerous, hadn't developed into full-blown cancer. How we praise our God!

I've heard the term a-typical before in our family's medical journeys. I've come to think of this as a God-description, not unlike the word "miracle." Truly the one who formed the world in His Hands and scooped up clay and breathed life into it could very well have ordered that awful tumor to stop. He's been known to command the elements, and even the wind obeyed.

Although the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of shock, exhaustion, and more, we thank God for being the Miracle-worker ~ God of the a-typical ~ One we can trust even when facing threat of cancer. It's likely we'll take this same journey again, as our son has other plexiform neurofibromas. May we remember what the Great Physician has done and continue to place our son in His Hands.

So You Won't Go Through This Alone

Last Sunday should have been our son's high school graduation. That's what's marked on the calendar. But what actually took place was abdominal surgery. Of course, God knew this all ahead of time. He even knew before we adopted Min that he would one day face surgery due to his genetic disease.

Week ago Monday our son had an ultrasound to study his kidneys, which can become problematic for kids with neurofibromatosis, type 1. During that scan, a large mass was found. We spent the rest of that week helping Min through additional tests, resulting in surgery by week's end. Now that the grapefruit-sized mass is removed, our son lies recovering ~ very slowly and not so smoothly.

Because of our son's other life-struggle, Asperger's, we are staying with him around-the-clock, attempting to keep his busy hands from undoing IV's, stopping him from removing tubes that must stay in place, and protecting his incision. It's a 24/7 task.

A thought occurred to me when doctors told us our son would have a large active tumor removed ... This is why we adopted Min ~ so he wouldn't go through this alone. Oh sure, there are other reason we adopted him, but perhaps non so important as this (with exception to teaching him about the Savior so he could one day accept Jesus into his life).

Did we adopt Min because we needed him? Not in one sense of the word. Did we want him? Yes. If we hadn't adopted Min, he was slated to go to an orphanage for the "unadoptable." I thought about what it might have been like if Min had faced this surgery and rough aftermath in a hospital without family ... perhaps alone and so full of fear.

I've also reflected how my relationship with God, Who adopted me, is similar. Did He need me? Not really. Did He want me? Yes. And He is with me through all the trials I go through. That's a great reason to be adopted. I'm so glad my loving Father took me in and made me a part of His family so I don't have to go through ANYTHING alone.

During Min's struggles with testing, surgery, and rough post-op period, he cried, "I'm so glad you are here to help me."

Min, we are too ... and we're also grateful that God is with us all so we don't have to go through this alone.

*During our time at the hospital, I'm not able to get into this browser and respond or post additional blogs. We are going on week two there. Please be patient with me. I shall return! And thank you so much for your prayers. We certainly need them.

Forgotten Treasures

Our on-going effort to remove clutter and unused items from our home resulted in my husband purchasing a USB turntable ~ spending countless hours converting well over 100 vinyl LP records into digital format and burned onto CDs.

Weeks later, thanks to hubby's hard work, I enjoy beautifully performed classical music ~ a collection once belonging to his parents and one they treasured. No wonder. Even now as I write, my heart and mind are calmed by the works of Bach, Handel, Liszt, Schubert, Haydn, Brahms, Mozart, and many more.

Not only do I enjoy this, but I love hearing those melody lines used in songs found in our hymnals. Then there are others that live in songs of our day and age, walking me down memory lane. So this phase of Operation Downsize has been (other than boxes of records and stacks of electronic equipment all over our living room) pure pleasure.

For years these records sat in boxes, were stored in closets, and filled our bottom bookshelf  six feet from where I new write. Unused.

I liken this to my Bible. God gave His precious Word to us century's ago. We have many Bibles filling our bookshelves. This holy Book is filled with treasures and within fingertip grasp. Yet if I leave them as "objects" filling our shelves, I miss the treasures God has for me.

In the pages of God's Word are life, hope, blessing, love, and ~ oh ~ so much more! Through reading what God wrote to me, I build a relationship with my Savior and become more like Him through the time we spend together.

Today I will not only treasure the beautiful music filling our home, but I will also wonder in the life-giving, hope-breathing words God has given.

Master Designer

Photo by Heidi Beukema Hurley

Maybe it's my art-trained eye, but I tend to see design in everything around me. Symmetry, patterns, positive and negative spaces, lights and darks creating affects where color doesn't exist.

Or is it that God intended His creation to reflect beauty and design? Unlike me who uses her eyes and hands to make something out of nothing, the Master Designer spoke all He made into being. How fitting of The Word!

Photo by Mitchell Williams

This past weekend seemed horrible, to put it bluntly. My little world spun out of control. Pattern, beauty, symmetry, design? Not visible to me until I washed my eyes with tears, called out to God, and took a ride. Then I saw it all around me. God's reminders. His creations shouting from both sides of the road!

This same God Who spoke design, patterns, symmetry, and positive and negative spaces into being also cares about my broken heart. May I never forget that. He is interested in every detail. And while my world seems to spiral out of control, His does not. I can rest in Him. Trust Him. See in the negatives the beauty and purpose of the positives.